lols. i am having mixed feelings now.
angry at myself. and confused. i really didnt know.
that you would become what you are today.
it was partly because of me.
seeing you everyday.
putting up that smile whenever you see me.
i thought you were truely happy.
not until recently did i realise the harsh truth.
you said that you did not belong.
and i finally know.
and i wondered if i was wrong. wrong to put you in there.
if not. maybe you wont turn out liddat.
i feel so helpless.
not being able to help you.
but only to stand by you silently.
and watch you fall.
and the moment you hit the ground.
i know it. my heart broke at tat moment.
i cried. when i thought of what you have been thru and not being able to help you.
wake you from the harsh reality?
i was afraid that you wont be able to take it.
i know tht you will have to go thru this alone.
it's necessary. but does it have to be liddat?
why is it so unfair?!
to see you suffer liddat.
all the more i wanna protect you.
keep that smile of yours on ur face last longer.
but i am just a useless person.
watching you from the sidelines.
it hurts not doing anything to help.
and that's why i hope against hope.
pray against my prayer.
tht you will go back to the old you again.
cuz it's suffocating me. all these.
it makes me think and it hurts even more. i wanna cry out loud.
but i cant. sigh. i want to see a genuine smile from you again. PLEASE.
before i think that the world has seriously given on me.
_____________________________________________
okay. stop all those thoughts.
i shall push them away for the time being.
and update(: LOL.
yesterday was fun!
haha. had training in the morning.
super fun. played 1 and 1/2hr of matches(:
wheee. and i won 4 people.
like zomg. i really didnt expect it. LOL.
but still. we are improving ehh?
jiayous rvtt:D
zonals coming in february liao.
so close right? scary like siao man.
hoho. then after tht went queensway with irene and huiyu.
i going there to buy FBT then went to eat mac!
haha. thanks huiyu for the fries! lol.
then bused and mrt to kc's house.
lalala. we doing the music project mah.
haha. and i playing the recorder! wheeee(:
lol. zihigh-.-
but we actually wasted alot of time crapping luhh.
like running on the running machine?
haha. and joyce won me for 1km. lol
but cuz my muscles already aching from trng mah.
and i ran 2plus km somemore.. wow.
haha. running rocks lah(x
so only had like 1 hour plus to practise.
until 5pm. went down to buy new year things.
and bubble tea. haha. joyce treated!
wheeee. thanks joyce(:
haha. then after tht went home lohh.
siann. my homework i havent even started.
and at night i was practically crying my eyes out.
cuz of some things luhh.
haiii:/ but still. need to thank suaku lah.
for listening to me rant on and on.
thanks! iLY(:
haha. i need some place to write my thoughts.
if not i will go crazy. haii.
someone help meee. i am breaking down:/
i wanna scream out loud.and tell the whole world how much i need you.and yet.you dun seem to know.
♥
1:36 PM
Sunday, January 20, 2008